Blinded by a Meteor
by Ms. Jessica
Summary: This is my version of what Edward does and goes through after he breaks up with Bella in New Moon.
1. Leaving

Blinded by a Meteor 

AN: This is my story of what Edward did in New Moon after he broke up with Bella.

**Disclaimer- I do NOT own Twilight!!!**

Chapter 1

"_Take care of yourself." _ I breathed against her forehead. Then I began to run. I left her where I knew she could find a way out of the woods. I ran as fast as I could, I had to put as much distance between us as possible, other wise I could never do it. I had to leave, she deserves so much more. She deserves to live in a world where she isn't constantly in danger, fearing for her life, or wishing for damnation. I wouldn't do that to her, I loved her too much to ruin her life. That's why I was leaving, that's why I had to break up with her this way. I burst through the door to her house, ran up the stairs and into her room. I searched quickly for the CD, pictures and tickets. I had to erase everything that would remind her of my family or me. If I didn't, it would only make this harder for her. I didn't want her to hurt any more than was normal. I hastily threw them under her floorboards before running back down the stairs and out of her house. Already the pain was starting to affect me, a feeling so strong it made me stop. I looked at her truck; the radio was still there. For a reason I didn't quite understand yet, I left it in there and ran again as fast as I could back to my house. I jumped into my car and sped off, driving as fast as the car could go. Every time the pain hit me, I would press harder on the gas pedal. I felt like the world was crashing down all around me. I was positive that if it could, the pain would have killed me. My heart, even though it wasn't beating, was splitting into an agonizing two-pieces, maybe more. I wasn't sure of where I was going yet, all I knew was that I had just left my life, my love, my happiness, my _everything_ behind. When the pain from that thought hit me like a baseball bat I had to pull over. I turned off the engine and just sat there. I knew if there was any hope of me getting out of Washington I'd have to face most of the pain. I let myself think of her face, her beautiful face. Her warmth, her eyes that told me everything, her hands that used to touch me with such care and ease. Her ability to love me for what I am, a monster. Her cheeks, the way they would turn red, by almost anything. Her smile, the thing that could send a warming sensation through my body. Her body and the way it would form to me when we hugged or lay together. Last but not least, her smell. Her smell was maddening. I closed my eyes and saw her face, smiling at me. I took a deep breath, I could almost smell her. The scent that would haunt me forever. A wave of pain ran through my body, starting at my head and ending at my toes. I was positive that if I could cry, I would have. I had never known anything this strong in my life. My family didn't quite grasp how hard this was for me. They knew I loved her very much, and though they knew the reason why I was doing this, they thought I was crazy. Jasper felt guilty, he felt as though this was his fault. I tried to tell him over and over that it wasn't entirely his fault. It was just the straw that broke the camels back. Ever since I met her I had put her in danger. First me, the smell of her blood on the first day of school. Then James and Victoria, Jasper. All these vampires would never crossed her path if not for me. She should have a normal life, one that didn't evolve around a vampire. One where she would graduate, go to college, marry, have children and grow older. I couldn't give her that, though I wished I could. I longed to be the one who she would spend the rest of her life with, the one she would marry and love indefinitely. It could never happen, she was an angel and I was a demon, a nightmare. I let out a growl; this had to be what Romeo felt when he thought Juliet was dead. Then I remembered sitting with Bella on her couch, watching that movie. I ran my hand through my hair, was there anyway to escape this? I started the engine and took off. Not stopping until I was at the boarder between Washington and Oregon.


	2. All alone

**Disclaimer- I do NOT own Twilight!!**

Chapter 2 

We were supposed to meet at Portland, Oregon. Alice, Jasper and me. They said they wanted to have a chance to talk before we went our separate ways for a while, I agreed. I was going to miss them tremendously, but I had no doubt in my mind that soon we'd all be back together again. Alice had told me to meet her at The Westin Portland. As I pulled into the parking lot, I spotted her car. I got out and strolled to the door. I greeted the doorman on my way in. I glanced quickly around the beautiful lobby, but didn't see her or Jasper.

Edward, were in room 317. Turn to your right and you'll see the elevators, take the elevator to…

Of course she saw me coming. I heard Alice's voice as if she was next to me, I followed her directions. Once I reached the room, I knocked gently on the door. Jasper opened it and let me in.

"Hello." I said.

"Hey." Jasper said closing the door and hitting my shoulder.

"Edward." Alice's voice rang from the living space of the room. I looked around; the room was a warm golden color. With three wall length windows, the blue couch was in front of two of them. Golden chairs surrounded the coffee table and couch. There was a fireplace to the left, and fake plants in every corner. All in all it was a nice room. Alice was sitting on the blue couch; I went and sat across from her in a golden chair.

She smiled, "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine." I lied. Jasper came and sat beside Alice.

"So what are you going to do now?" Jasper asked.

"I'm not sure yet, I'll find something to distract me." I smiled though it was fake.

Alice saw through it but didn't call me on it, " You'll find something."

I nodded, "What are you going to do?"

Jasper shrugged but Alice answered, " I don't know, we were thinking of maybe taking a trip back to Alaska to see Tanya and the family."

"That'd be nice." I murmured.

"Rose and Emmett were thinking of going to Africa. I thought that would be cool, you know. Everyone seems to be wanting to travel." She laughed.

"I guess so." I laughed. The truth was I thinking of maybe trying tracking. I want to know if I'm any good at it or not. It couldn't be _that_ hard could it? What with my talent and all. "How long are you planning on staying here?"

"Not much longer, a day or two." Jasper answered.

I nodded, "well I'd better be on my way." I got up and waited for them to stand up. Alice came over first and I hugged her, " Alice, promise me you wont go back to Forks. Promise me you wont try to contact her."

Alice pulled back, " I promise." I could see it hurt her to lose her friend, but like I said before, it had to be a clean break.

Jasper put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it, " Take care of yourself."

" I will, " I smiled, " Promise me too."

The ends of his mouth curled up, " I promise."

"I'll see you soon. Be careful." I made my way to the door, " Good-bye."

"Bye." They said in unison.

Back in my car I thought about our family and what I was doing to them, we were splitting up. _But we'll be back together soon._ I promised myself.

Be careful Edward, I love you.

Alice's voice filled my head; I smiled, and pulled out of the parking lot.

Distract. How on earth was I supposed to distract myself? If, if, I was really going to go through with the tracking idea, where was I going to start? My pocket began to vibrate; I reached in and grabbed my phone. I quickly glanced at the name, Emmett.

"Hello?"

"Hey!" Emmett's voice brought a smile to my face.

"What's up?"

"Nothing much really, I was just checking in."

"Ah, well, I'm doing good. I just saw Alice and Jasper and they're good too. What are you up to?" I stopped at a red light.

" Right now I'm sitting in the car, Rose is driving."

"I'm scared for you." I joked.

Emmett laughed.

"Alice told me you were thinking of going to Africa?" The light changed to green.

"We were thinking about it. Not sure about the details yet, but-" Rosalie interrupted him with a question. He answered her.

"Have you heard from Carlisle or Esme yet?" I asked.

"Yeah, just got off the phone with Esme. Their good, they think they might go sight seeing or something-" Rosalie asked him another question, "hold on," he told her, "Edward I'll call you back."

" Ok, tell Rosalie I said hi."

"I will. Bye."

"Bye." As I hung up the phone I thought about how everyone had someone else with them, and I was completely alone. I pushed the thought back as soon as it had come. I can't think about that right now. I drove around, looking at the sights around me. There were people everywhere. People laughing and people enjoying themselves. I sighed. I turned on the CD player in my car. Classical poured from the speakers, filling the emptiness in the car. I turned it up.

I decided that I would stop tonight and rest. Then tomorrow I would start my hunt. I picked Victoria as the person I was going to try to track. I knew she was no longer a real threat to Bella or anyone, but I wasn't going to let her get away scotch free. She helped James, she was his sidekick.

I looked up at a billboard and saw an advertisement for another hotel. When I found it I got a room. Once in my room I locked the door and lay on the bed. It was true that I didn't need the room for sleep, but I did need to relax, to try and clear my head. My bags of clothes were still in the trunk of my car, I made no move to get them yet. My phone buzzed again, I lifted it to see the blue light coming off the screen, Emmett. Emmett was just calling me back, I guessed, I placed the phone unanswered on the nightstand beside the bed. I didn't feel like talking to anyone right now. If it was important, he would call me back. I turned on the TV for some background noise.

I dared myself to think about her, about what she was doing now. What she must think of me now. What would I do if once, by accident we saw each other again? Many years from now, would she care? Would she even remember? Though I doubt a vampire boyfriend could be forgettable. What would she say? What would I? What if, what if? These questions and more buzzed in my head. When would I finally be able to go a day without thinking of her? Did I want to do that? I knew I would never forget her, and I knew I never wanted to. Distract! Distract! I had to keep myself distracted, I didn't want the pain to come back, though it stayed with me at all times. It was bearable until I sat down like this and really thought about her. I watched TV, but it quickly began to bore me. I sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed my eyes. How was I supposed to get through eternity when I couldn't get through one day with out her? I stood up and walked out onto the balcony. It was dark now and the air was cool. I could hear the buzz of the busy city around me. I sat and looked out at the view, which wasn't much. A couple caught my attention. They were kissing and laughing. The guy picked the girl up and they went into their room. I sighed and let my head fall back. When was this going to end?


	3. Time

**Disclaimer- I do NOT own New Moon or Twilight!**

**AN- thanks to all those who gave such wonderful reviews, I truly appreciate it!! Hope you like this chapter! **

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Chapter 3

Minutes turned to hours, hours to days and days to weeks. The saying goes that time heals everything, apparently that doesn't hold true for a monster like me. You'd think that by now I'd be used to waiting, that I'd be numb. But I'm not. When the pain becomes too much, I close my eyes. Yet I dread doing so, for every time I do her face is there. Her beautiful face glowing, and smiling. I purposely keep my eyes shut, letting myself fall deeper and deeper into my hallucination. I want so badly to reach out and cup her face. Slowly, ever so slowly I raise my hand. Hesitantly I reach for her, afraid that she'll run away. I watch as my hand grazes her cheek, she closes her eyes and for that split second I feel that my heart might burst. As quickly as she came she left. My eyes snapped open. I curse and punch the bed. How I hate my stupid hallucinations, why had I let myself go so far into it? It was only going to hurt so much more later. The sunlight spilled into the tiny motel room. I had closed the curtains as far as they would go, but some light escaped and lit a trail across the room. I run a hand through my copper hair and sigh. This was going to be another long and miserable day. Just like all the others. I haven't spoken to my family. I also haven't seen them. They call my phone from time to time, I'm certain to check to make sure I haven't gone crazy. I don't want them to see me like this. I'm useless, I can't do anything productive. I just lay or sit and wallow in self-pity. It's ok to be like this right? I've lost the only thing in my "life" that ever mattered. I've lost my other half, I've lost my love, I've lost…. myself.

I force myself to get up and to slump into the bathroom. My hands grip the counter, my head is bent down. I lift my head to see my reflection. My hair looks greasy, I look paler, if possible, and my eyes…they are dark. Instead of the golden butterscotch color they usually are, they are now purple. I haven't eaten for weeks, and the effects of that are showing. My phone beeps from outside the bathroom, snapping my attention to it. I glance at myself once more before leaving. I find it lighting up on the bedside table.

I listen to the voicemail, which was left by Alice.

" Edward? Edward, please pick up! Listen I know, I know how much you're hurting. But Edward, keep in mind that it was your idea to do this. You chose to live this way, now I'm not saying to go back, but you cant go on doing nothing. You'll never heal unless you do _something_! Umm… ok well when you get this just call me back. Ok? Bye, love you."

I snapped the phone shut, she was right. I had to do something to keep my mind off of Bella. I clinched my teeth and closed my eyes as I thought of her name. This was going to be harder than I thought. What was I supposed to do? Travel? That was what everyone else was doing, but what if I bumped into them? No, no I couldn't travel. If I'm going to do _anything _I'd better eat first.

I ran as fast as I could. The wind whipping past me, the trees, rocks, and brush all becoming green and brown blurs. I let all my emotions and frustrations out, becoming what I truly was. I felt like adrenaline was pumping through my icy stone dead body. My eyes spotted a deer and I latched onto it. After feeding I felt a little better, I was able to think a little more clearly. I lay on the dewy grass, letting my mind wonder. When all of a sudden a sharp pain swept through me. I closed my eyes, we were together in the clearing again. She was sitting beside me, gently rubbing her finger on my arm and hand. I stopped breathing, maybe if I didn't breathe it wouldn't hurt. The sun beat down on my cold skin. My eyes still shut I watch as she smiles and leans closer. Without thinking I lean up to meet her, to kiss her. My lungs begin, and I start breathing. My eyes open with a start and I realize I let my delusions get the best of me. I quickly stand up and I run, not knowing where I'm headed, but knowing that the faster I run the faster I can leave that delusion, the faster I can leave…her.

I reach my motel room in record time; I check out and get in my car and drive. I drive and drive and drive. I really don't care where I'm going; I have all the time in the world to get there. Maybe I should leave the country? Maybe I should go as far from the U.S. as possible. But where would I go? What would I do? Sight see? No, that doesn't appeal to me. What if I went back? What if I went to check on her, to make sure she was fine? What if I went back to her and pleaded with her to take me back, to end this? No! No! No! She's safe she's in Forks. What could happen in Forks? I left that question unanswered.

I now sit outside a little café. My sunglasses shielding my dark eyes, a jacket hiding my glittery skin. My eyes scan the busy street. I watch a group of little kids huddle together. All at once, all but one scatter. The one left behind stands with a hand covering his eyes, and what looks to me like he is counting. I pretend to be interested in a coffee that I ordered. Laughter breaks my concentration; I look up and see a little dark head boy running as fast as he can towards a trashcan. He yells, " I found you!" And another little boy pops up from behind it. They laugh and then go off to find the others. As I watch them leave, I get an idea of what I'm going to do. _Hide and Seek, Hide and Seek…._


	4. A Phone Conversation

**Disclaimer- I do NOT own New Moon or Twilight!**

**AN- this chapter I'm not sure of. I don't know how I feel about it, so please read and review for me! Thanks! **

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Chapter 4

Tracking is something that tacks all my focus, which I think is why I'm failing miserably. It took me a while to think of someone or rather some_thing_ to track, when I finally decided on Victoria. The idea came to me when I was thinking of Bella. Thinking of Bella has now become a sort of habit or ritual. One that I cant seem to break. When it becomes to overpower full or becomes too overbearing I just curl up into a ball and let the misery and pain have me. It's not something I'm proud of, and certainly not something _she_ would be proud of. I'm doing a little better. I've come to the decision that she's happy, safe, and is leading a normal, better life. That she is going out with Mike, I shudder at that thought. No, Bella wouldn't do that, she's too good for him…for me. I'm not good enough for her, and its that thought and that thought alone that has kept me from her this long. The knowledge that she won't want to be damned, that she'll go to heaven like she is supposed to.

I use Bella's memory to push me to be better at tracking. I use her to get through one hour, one day. I haven't spoken to family yet; I'm waiting until I get myself together. Enough to look presentable. I miss them so much though. I feel as though it's my fault that we are all split up and in this terrible mood. My phone vibrates in my pocket, I whip it out, Alice. She's the one that's been trying to keep us all together; though I feel her efforts might be wasted. I sigh and answer it, "Hello?"

"Hey" Her voice sounds relieved.

"Hi," I must admit it's wonderful to hear her voice again.

"How are you doing?" She sounded sincere, but it was the only question I was dreading.

"…" I could lie, I had become an expert in that field, but when I opened my mouth she interrupted me.

"That good huh?"

" How's Jasper doing?" A good change of topic.

She noticed but acted like she didn't, " He's good, being his usual self. His restraint on the diet has gotten much better I'm so proud."

For the first time in a _while_ my lips curled up into a smile, " Wonderful."

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"…_Please_…"

I knew what she meant; she wanted me to come home.

" I just need time Alice…just time. That's all I'm asking for, that's all I need."

She sighed, " Where are you?"

" South America, you?" I said with a little chuckle to keep her spirits up.

"Still in the States. Doing a bit of sight seeing, not much." Her voice was light as always, which put me in a better mood.

"Sounds nice."

"I suppose, but well, we can't really do much. There are an awful lot of sunny places, what about you? What have you been up to?"

"Not much," which was the truth, " trying my hand at tracking."

There was silence at the other end of the line followed by, " what is it exactly that you are tracking?"

At this I laughed, " Nothing, I'm horrible at it."

"Edward?" She wasn't buying it.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it Alice."

"You do realize that I'll find out eventually anyway."

"Then there should be no need for me telling you."

She was quiet for a moment, " When are you coming home?"

I groaned, " Not for a while, not back to Forks, not back to Washington."

"No of course not." She sounded monotone, like she was hiding something.

"Alice? What is it? Do you see me going back there?"

"…" At this I began to panic.

"You're wrong. You've been wrong before and you're wrong now."

"Maybe." Was all she said.

I didn't like the way this conversation went and the way it was still going. Forks was in the past now, something old, something to be forgotten.

"Edward?"

"What?"

"What are you going to do if you run into her one day? Do you honestly think that everything you had will just die? Do you honestly think that true love just disappears? That if you stay away, that if you isolate yourself from everything and everyone that you'll stop loving her?"

I didn't want to talk about it, not now.

" What if she doesn't stop loving _you_?"

"She'll stop. I know her, she'll move on and hopefully she won't look back."

"What I'm trying to say is what if she doesn't? What if she…"

I interrupted her, " Alice." I don't know how much more I can take of this. Each question cuts me more and more. I haven't and still don't want to think of Bella not moving on. Bella not moving on? How absurd!

Through out the rest of the conversation Alice didn't bring up Bella, or Forks or coming home. And for that I was grateful. It was good to know that everyone was safe and content. Not exactly happy, but content. Which was good, good enough for now. I knew I couldn't and wouldn't keep the family apart for much longer, but right now I'm not and still wont be of any use to them for a while. All I need is time.


End file.
